Day 165

Got up early to feed and walk the dog. One cat would not come out from under the bed to have breakfast (nor dinner, actually). This is because cats are hug jerks.

Picked up Sean and met Paul for the Speed Racer matinée (now 6$). It was fantastic.

Continued my campaign to reorganize the house until Family Sunday Dinner time. Pot Roast Night! I did something like 6 loads of laundry. Brad and I watched Dead Alive (Kiwi Zombie flick) and Bright Future (another in an endless series of incredibly slow and weird and confusing Japanese/ultimately pointless movies we continue to watch for no discernable reason). Mel and Jess did not make it.

Ran home and finished up a few things around the house. Chatted with Jim.

Spoke with Addy.

Read a bit more of Th1rte3n. Still no cohesive anything, each chapter still excellent and then a let down.

Day 164

Got up early and walked the dog, then started cinnamon rolls. (The sugar crystallized instead of caramelized- too high heat?) Had cinnamon rolls with Angie and her niece, then we ran to Target to grab some retirement gifts and wander aimlessly. Dropped them back at the house.

I popped by Starbucks for some tea and headed over to Ron & Czabrina’s. Chatted and watched garbage TV on VH-1.

Ran back to Theo’s and served him his dinner (and me mine) and took an extra long walk. Because we got totally lost,I thought we could loop around, but in the end we had to flip around and retrace our steps. Ran home to shower and do my hair. Picked up Chris and headed to Jeannine and Mike’s Rock Band party. Had a wonderful time!

Spoke with Chris, Lynn, Burke, and Paul.

Day 163

Dropped in on George at The Comic Stop. Brian came in a bit later and we gabbed for a while.

Fed and walked Theo. Sat down with the cat to watch some TV.

Read more Th1rte3n. Sometimes when authors want to cover several different people’s stories they simply intersperse the character’s chapters. Now unless they are connected by theme, time line, or some other concept, this never ever works. What happens is that you draw the reader in and then drop them cold and one chapter later I can’t remember who is who and if they meet, I do not get it, because I have forgotten by then. Here I am, cold, and wondering why Rickard Morgan is screwing with me.

Spoke with Czabrina, Steve, Grandma, Mom, Burke, and Amber.

Day 162

Ran to the bank to deposit some checks (refunds! Yay!) and change my address, and headed to WESCO to pick up new fasteners for my car door. They should be in by Monday. There was a very unfortunate motorcycle accident right at the corner and it reminds me to mention that wearing inappropriate clothing while riding motorcycles is profoundly stupid. Full coverage helmet, biker jacket and pants, and boots are the only way to go. This guy was t-shirt and brain bowl style helmet and suffered for it. He is lucky to have survived.

Went home to grab some stuff for my dog sitting gig. Fed and walked the dog. Made pork chops and fell asleep before 9 watching some true crime show with the cat in the den. Woke up at 10 and went to bed.

Spoke with Mom, Steve, and Meagan.

Day 161

Picked up Auntie and drove her to work (van was getting an oil change).

Ran to the bank. Didn't get to the auto supply store, bank or library. (Because the former two were closed and I was too irritated to bother with the latter.)

Had dinner (and pie! courtesy of Steve's mom) with Steve and Jim. Must procure additional chairs. Very Important.

Unpacked and organized more.

Started Th1rte3n by Richard Morgan. Not sure why I unabashedly love Richard Morgan's work.

Day 160

Unpacked the kitchen following a Trophy Cupcake breakfast, almost finished all the way.

Ran to Storables and Target to pick up a few new things. Ran into Susan from HS and I think she was kind of rude and judgie.

Unpacked till dinner at Herfy’s with Jim. Dropped into Fred Meyer’s to pick up chow for Wednesday night.

Worked more on unpacking and finished Daughters of the North. Very good, but it did feel rushed at the end.

Day 159

Met Steve, Addy, and Steve’s parents for breakfast at Julia’s and picked up some Trophy cupcakes for later. Ran back to the house and worked on unpacking for a few hours. Went to Brad’s for a BBQ, Paul joined the family. Returned to Riley’s to pack up my things, and went home to unpack more.

Jim & George picked me up and we met up with Deuce to watch the Red Socks completely destroy the M’s. Great seats and garlic fries tho.

Stopped at Occidental for discount hot dogs (I abstained) and returned to the house, where I promptly passed out.

Day 158

Watched Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull with Auntie, Sean, and Mel. It was good but very silly.

Met Paul at my old place to transfer my old stuff to new folks via Craigslist. They were adorable. Tidied and had lunch with Paul.

My apartment manager called to cancel the next morning’s walk through and we rescheduled it for that very moment. My deposit check is in the mail!

Brad picked up some old junk for the dump. Paul and I moved the rest of my junk, and I spent the rest of the day unpacking.

Returned to Riley’s and read until bedtime.

Day 157

Got up quite early and headed down to my old place. Arrived at just before 8 and moved all my boxes to the security hall and loaded up my car. Had an ice tea and scone from Peet's.
Soon Kim arrived, closely followed by Brad & Sean. Grandma and Roy arrived at about 10:20 (after talking me into starting the move at 9) and Ron and Czabrina showed just in time to help move the last few things into the car.

Arrived at the new place in time for the guys to assist in the unload. Kim stayed put to help get boxes in order and Paul, Brad, Sean & I went back to my place to pick up my exercise bike.

Had pizza at Brad's and returned to start unpacking. Unpacked for a while, then went back to the dogsitting house.

Later joined a bunch of people at George's for BBQ and Rock Band.

Wussed out early and went home to catch some z's.

Day 156

Started another dogsitting gig.

Went to bed early in order to be prepared for the early am move.

Spoke with countless people to confirm plans.

Day 155

Stopped at Home Depot on the way home to collect some cleaning materials and new burner cups for my stove. (Took one look at those filthy things yesterday and said “fuck that”.)

Watched This Old House (I have no idea why I adore that show. But I wholeheartedly do) and cleaned like crazy. Picked up a burrito at Tacos Guaymas.

AMC was showing Jurassic Park and I was able to watch most of the film. I was impressed all over again by how well made the movie is and how well it held up.

Spoke with Steve and Jim.

Day 154

Came in to work stupid early to meet with someone and they totally didn’t bother to show.

Tore apart my entire kitchen to wash it down. Started packing the most awkward stuff and started cleaning

Watched an episode of Bones and fell asleep.

Spoke with Megan, Brad, and Paul.

Day 153

Grabbed groceries on my lunch break and also picked up some crispy mint m&m’s. Yummy.

Dropped some stuff off at Value Village and didn’t go in to look for more, but really wanted to.

Traffic was an abomination. Some guy blew off his turn at a double lane four-way stop (on his phone of course) then tried to poach my turn. Then when I didn’t let him he flipped me off and honked. Seriously, just because you spaced out your turn, does not mean you get to make me miss mine. You can wait till Eastbound traffic gets to go again because Southbound learned to drive in Jersey and ain’t taking no shit off a no one.

Picked up two books at 3^rd Place in Ravenna.

Ran home, picked up teriyaki (I have had more teriyaki in the last two months than I normally eat in a year), and helped Burke with a mail merge. Steve dropped by to take pictures of my stuff for craigslist, then put up an ad and ripped it down half an hour later. Packed the rest of the kitchen (now there is just my fridge, about eight doomed Nalgenes, one plate, one fork, one knife, and three glasses) and almost my entire bathroom.

Watched an episode of Bones and the season finale of Reaper.

Spoke with grandma and Paul.

Day 152

Picked up my car from Jeff’s. Apparently when I last had my brake pads changed, they didn’t use the kind that squeal when they are running down and since my car wasn’t jerking or squealing when I used the breaks, I had no idea that my brake pads were pretty much gone until they were metal on metal. Good times. So they replaced the brakes and rotors and changed the oil and $550 later I was done.

With my remaining $50 I signed up for a cake decorating class.

Worked pretty late and went straight to Brad’s to pick up the stuff I had left there. Helped make dinner (Spaghetti) and do the dishes then headed off to meet Chris, Amine, Jen and her friend, and Andy at the Stube.

Read more Daughters of the North.

Spoke with Grandma and Steve.

Day 151

Left my car at Jeff’s and Steve dropped me at Ye Olde Family Homestead. Made bacon and chocolate chip waffles with Auntie. Ran to Costco, Bath and Body Works, and Bed, Bath, and Beyond(!). Bought some new hangers and I am unreasonable excited about them.

Watched Arang (Korean horror/detective movie) with Brad. Had a Hamstravaganza! Watched Ugly Betty and an independent film about street art.

Started Daughters of the North, by Sarah Hall. Very good so far and a very fast read.

Feeling a bit over dramatic about my car situation. I think that I am right to be frustrated, but I need to be sure to keep perspective.
That I chose my path.
That I am safe and healthy.
That not crashing into things with my car is a very good thing and well worth the money.
That maybe my car only breaks when I can most afford it?

Part of the joy of having an anxiety disorder is that everything is initially upsetting and panic inducing. It always takes me a bit of time to push down the panic and logic myself out of the problem. (This is why I will never survive the zombie apocalypse.)

Day 150

Apparently made some error as to when my dog sitting clients were returning and scurried out at great speed. Of course forgetting to return their bus pass.

Had brunch with Addy at Julia's and wandered around Wallingford. Returned home and watched Bones together while I packed.

Attempted to join a bunch of folks at a BBQ at Leigh's, but my brakes made a scary noise and I decided I had better just take my car into the shop in the morning instead. Stayed home and watched Law and Order instead of going out.

Teared up, but didn't cry. It is just so incredibly frustrating to never be able to get ahead. I know that every month I pay my rent and have electricity and can do everything by myself is a success, especially considering how I was raised. But I am just utterly demoralized by the constant strain of just squeaking by.

I know that almost everyone is a pay check or two from homeless (though they may not know it), and that I have family that will help me, but it kills me to ask for favors. It just burns. I'm sharp, well educated, and employed. I live within my means. I do what I am supposed to do. I just don't know what else to do. But there is clearly something that I'm not doing or something that I am doing wrong.

It is as though someone knew that I was getting that economic stimulus check this week and just wanted to see if they could fuck with me. Two years running my car has broken and taken up my tax return. So by now, I should be adjusted.

I keep being afraid that I will keep pushing ahead but that the status quo will stretch like the horizon. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm a fuck up.

Spoke with Grandma (she said my uncle James and Grandpa would come help me move, so that at least is good news), spoke with Steve to arrange dropping my car off, and spoke with Paul and Monica to cancel my attendance of a concert at Nectar.

Day 149

Took the day off to convalesce. Tidied a little bit but mostly dozed off and on.

Met up with Gordy, Monica and Fran for cocktails at Barca. Retired to Mon's to chat.

Drove back to the dog sitting house and passed out.

Day 148

Bad day at work. Still sick.

Returned to dog sitting house. Couldn't stay off the phone. Spoke with Mom, Mebbie, Steve, Paul, and Jim.

Watched Torchwood and passed out early.

Day 147

Worked a short day.

Had dinner with Steve and Addy. Then watched TV and had ice cream with Steve.

Then I passed out to feverish snorfly sleep with the kitty and dogs.

Feeling a little better.

Day 146

Stayed home from work very ill.

Slept till 3 pm. Had some oatmeal. Watched Rendition (quite good). Heated up some pasta and then fell asleep watching The King of California (also very good) woke up and finished it in time for Reaper.

Really asleep by ten.